Everything in life entails its counterpart: every softness implies its edgy counterpart and where there is noise there is also silence. And so I thought why not embrace it all in one post?
And so, this post comes in different colors, featuring a rough and a corny note. Because, isn’t this how life is?
All my no’s just turned to yes
It has been crazy times lately. I cannot believe this all is actually happening, but apparently it is: My life seems to have decided to rearrange itself. I have found myself witnessing basically everything unfold and fall neatly into place. Things I started last year, just because I felt like doing them with no clear plan whatsoever, have suddenly evolved into solid projects; and castles I had built in the air out of – which I then thought – pure escapism appear to be almost within reach and no crazy ideas at all.
Traveling back in time I can still sense that big task that had been haunting me of finding my life’s mission and of defining the ultimate goal to follow for myself. Looking back, the doubt I carried is still palpable, that doubt if it was ok to just do what felt good at that moment.
Life seems to be presenting me with an answer now. And I am watching all these things I had unconsciously started, things in no way connected with each other back then, unfold and unite into a greater whole.
And there it is: a new and exciting road before me that hasn’t been there earlier and that almost feels like a true calling.
This is where it all begins
It’s right in front of me
Down is not where I belong
This aching heart won’t turn to stone
There’s a fire inside these bones
It was meant to be.
And while everything in me is screaming “hell yeah!”, the corny part comes into play.
At the moment I can’t but just stand there in awe and feel blessed. I have no idea what is happening, but it feels amazing. This goes even as far as my reminding myself of the big picture being enough to get through a rough moment or a bad experience. And to focus on this amazing rollercoaster ride that life is.
…and I’m grateful for it all
It has been dawning on me that every step I have taken in the past, everything I experienced, brought me right here. Where I am following a new path that feels as right as nothing has for a long time, surrounded by the most amazing friends and receiving all the support I could ever dream of. Quite similarly, a dear friend of mine recently recalled that whatever he chose to do in his life, however badly he screwed up, he always ended up in the right spot eventually.
And so I am wondering: could it be true that, after all, this idea of personal failure, is an illusion? And that, whichever direction we choose, it will bring us to some place that holds something for us to find? I find this to be a reassuring thought.
And at the moment I can’t but feel blessed and realize how wonderful life is.
And, yes, I am grateful for it all.
I don’t know how long this blissful state will last. And I am aware that, just as life’s sad and heartbreaking moments, this too shall pass.
In fact, I cannot even tell for sure if the path I have taken really leads me to the right place, or a place where I want to be in the end.
I know only time would tell
If all the cards will treat me well
Cause this hand that I been dealt
Keeps me wondering
So now here I turn the page
I’ve learned to silence all my rage
Tell me who can really say
What will tomorrow bring.
But isn’t even this good? And isn’t this what makes life exciting?
In any case, I have made a promise to myself. I have decided to embrace this feeling of gratefulness and take it with me. Whatever life may bring, I hope that I will be able to stay aware of this beautifully amazing journey it is and every miracle it presents to me.
Corny as this might be, it feels true to me.
One thought on “Go higher”
Hey, you’re right – screwed up life appears always more awful in that moment than it really is in the end!
A dear friend